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I got the biggest laugh out of the food ones -' you squeeze your fork to release the food' and 'you lay z-weave ketchup beads on your eggs or french fries' ! I so relate to those having had a welder in the family!

Its 2035 and a man walks into a brainstore to buy a new brain the shopkeeper asks the man what he can do him for and the man asks for a brain the shopkeeper says well i have three brains to choose from first here is a doctors brain it costs two thousand dollars second i have a lawyers brain its three thousand and last i have a welders brain its ten thousand dollars. the guy replies are you kidding me why is the welders brain so expensive. the shop keeper replies but sir its practically brand new its hardly been used.

Some ok jokes there. How about Q: what kind of music do welders like? A: Heavy Metal.

An honest point...not really a joke. I am a welding instructor at Eastern Shore Community College. My welding shop is one of the few places where dozens of straight men ask me to come to their booth and look at their buts... It's a welding booth, they are welding students and it is a butt joint, but I laugh inside a little everytime I hear it. BLilliston

When I worked at the local junior college with other instructors, I overheard strange things at times from the welding booths. On the first week I was there I overheard another instructor screaming at a student in the booth "Get it in there!" To be honest I did not want to know what was going on in that booth, but I was a little curious. Then I later heard the same instructor with a different student, again "Get it in there!" I thought, what the bloody hell is that all about? The third time I had to know, so I dropped my hood and entered the booth. He was teaching 3G With E7018, and that was his way of telling them to keep their arc gap tight. I have to admit I was relieved to find out what was really going on.

Another favorite story... As a female instructor in a mostly male field I have run into some unique situations. I routinely entered booths at the junior college without knowing who I was popping in on. We had new students coming and going all the time, and they clocked in, so I really never knew who I might be helping. One night I had a student that the other two instructors had grown tired of. They told me to deal with him because they had had enough of him. I had not met him, and I assumed they had told him I would be by. I walked into his booth and began to observe him in progress. When he was done, I gave him some critique on the shape of the puddle and how he needed to keep his arc gap shorter and practice better rod control. I then contrasted running vertical with his previous experiences of running horizontal and flat. He look me dead in the eye and said, "I am certain with your help I could achieve better rod control, I definitely prefer horizontal but if you are into vertical I am willing to give it a try, but first what's your name sweetheart." I was mortified. I am sure I turned as red as the Lincoln Welders. He didn't know I was an instructor, and he really thought I was talking dirty to him. From then on I introduced myself.

Less chatter,more spatter...

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